We open up on a scene of what looks to be a fairly puny mediæval keep of stone and wood. Not that I'd like to try charging and infiltrating it, but it looks like a few arrows with fiery tips could really ruin their day.
Inside, we see a random servant walking around with gigantic loaves of bread, preparing for either a feast or a snack. It's kind of hard to get a sense of scale here, since there's no meat, just bread and pears and apples.
We then see a hooded figure and an off-screen voice announcing, "King Uther, there's a visitor, and she won't give her name." Usually, if someone won't give her name, I assume she's a bill collector, but I'm hoping that a king can at least give MasterCard what he owes each month. Uther walks in, wearing leather armour and a fur cape and looking like with a few small changes, he'd be welcome in some parts of the Meatpacking District in New York. The scowl would have to go. I'm guessing by the scowl that he's already guessed who it is. We can see her face now, and it's Eva Green. Without spoiling anything, I'm fairly sure that any rôle she takes is not going to be a one-off, what with being a Bond girl and all.
He asks who she is anyway, and she answers by removing her hood from her cape, under which she's wearing a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. He answers his own question, which you can always do if you wait long enough, and says, "Morgan." She replies, "Father." Based on the smouldering, pissed-off look she's giving him, I'm going to say right now that the girl has some serious daddy issues.
Her stepmother walks into the room, and she really gets off on the wrong foot by proclaiming, "Your whore still lives." Shit, even most 16-year-olds with parents in a custody battle know to be a bit more subtle than that. And Uther quickly gives his opinion of this by backhanding her to the floor. I guess he takes his wife fairly seriously. He then notices that he's gotten blood on his signet ring, which I'm guessing is more of a concern to him than the daughter whose blood is on his ring.
And he goes on with the Divorced Parents theme with, "You will respect your mother." She snottily corrects, "Stepmother." Yeah, the 16-year-old girl thing is definitely still holding weight here. Her stepmother, Igraine (played by Claire Forlani, who I last saw in Mallrats), wisely not getting into the whole "whore" thing or her husband bloodying his daughter, simply asks, "Why are you here?" Morgan answers equally simply, "I've come home." Well, this is a great start. I'm sure everyone will be having a happy reunion dinner tonight.
She pauses and adds to her father, "And I want to offer you forgiveness." This is about as passive-aggressive as they come, and Igraine wisely gets the hell out of the way.
Uther looks puzzled and plays right into the passive-aggressive thing and says, "For what?" Morgan says, "For the death of my mother, so you can install this whore." He tries to backhand her again (and let's face it, unless he personally murdered her mother, that's kind of warranted), but she catches his hand and stares at him. And some production assistant forgot to keep blood dabbed on her face. Morgan goes on with, "And for banishing me, so I'd be silenced." Well, based on what we've seen in the first minute alone, I can't blame him for wanting her silent.
Uther tries to back out by saying that he sent her away for her education. She retorts, "Fifteen years in a nunnery, I learnt more than you can imagine." I'm trying really hard not to have an overly dirty mind but can't stop thinking about Sapphic love anyway. Anyway, assuming that she was somewhere between age 2 and age 15 when she was sent away, she could be as young as 17 or as old as 30. She's behaving like a 16-year-old, though. She then tries to play the Daddy's little girl card, by saying, "Father, I'm your only child. Why wouldn't you welcome me home?" Well, I can already tell her why, so I'm unsure of why she can't see it.
Uther says, "You've lived too long without my guidance. This isn't your home now. And I no longer have a daughter." That kind of undermines the whole "You went away for an education" bit. At least she didn't come home like I did from college, lugging dirty laundry. So Morgan's "you banished me" argument actually holds some weight, because, honestly, how long did he plan for her to stay in a convent being educated?
He turns to leave and she screams, "Don't turn your back on me, Father!" Yeah, daddy issues in abundance. I'm sure that won't be a theme at all as the series develops. Also, a more-attentive production assistant dabbed the blood back on.
Her stepmother sticks around for another minute, probably trying to figure out how to reconcile any of this situation, but is called to "leave her" by Uther. So we can assume that that reunion dinner of sharing happy memories and anecdotes might have to wait a couple of days.
We then cut to a random shot of some guy in a cape running through a forest, but since we can't see his face or identify what he's running from, it's kind of meaningless.
And, back to the feast. Uther's taking an unhealthy interest in a dancer in front of him, given that Igraine is sitting right next to him. Morgan wanders off and finds a mortar and pestle. I am also not convinced that this Morgan is the same actress. Starz doesn't credit a second actress in the role, but this one actually looks 17, has curly hair, and it appears in a later close-up, hazel eyes. That would pretty much convince me. Also, Starz credits a "scullery girl", and process of elimination brings it down to Fausse Morgan here.
And then we cut back to that guy running through the forest. I don't get it. I don't think that Fausse Morgan wants to simply prepare an herb butter with that mortar and pestle, though.
And, back to the dude running through the forest.
Fausse Morgan pulls a leather bag out of the pocket of her school uniform, which in turn contains a piece of burlap, which then again contains some white pellets. This probably isn't good. Morgan, in either iteration, doesn't seem like the kind to get high.
Dude is running yet again.
Fausse Morgan sneaks into the feast, or maybe she's allowed to be there if she just doesn't piss off her parents. It's hard to know. She gives her father a Look O' Death and moves on her way … to the soup bowl, where she dumps the powder she's been grinding, and moves away. Someone promptly satisfies the plot by drawing out a plate of soup.
Still running. I'm willing to bet that he's headed to the castle.
Handy Subplot Servant provides the plate of soup to Uther, which leaves me to wonder what she was going to do if someone else wanted soup first. Although, from what we've seen already, I bet she wouldn't have cared about collateral damage.
Uther then promptly starts choking, as we expected. Igraine screams for someone to help him, but I'm not sure what they're supposed to do. Was the Heimlich a thing back then?
Running man finally gets to castle, screams for them to open the gates, and they do. It seems like really lax security at this place, but then again, they let in Morgan, so we already know that they're kind of weak on that point. He helpfully pulls off his cape and hat to reveal that he's Joseph Fiennes, who, like Eva Green, I'm pretty sure wouldn't agree to just a cameo. He then starts moving in slo-mo, which makes no sense if he was just sprinting for however long.
Igraine is sitting by the King's bed, where he's been carried, freaking out as there's spit and blood all over her husband's face. Joseph Fiennes stalks in and hilariously drops a curtain to cut off the chanting in Latin from all the priests who are hanging out outside the chamber. I guess they just show up automatically whenever the King starts losing his shit.
There's a quick cut to Fausse Morgan, in the kitchen, overwhelmed and perhaps a bit freaked out by what she's just done.
Igraine starts weeping, "Whatever powers you have, use them now!" Girl sounds a bit hysterical, but I can't blame her, really. And with that mention of powers, that's the clue we need to figure out that this guy is Merlin. He starts mixing something up quickly that looks like it's an … inkwell? I'm not sure those are the powers that Igraine is going for, Merlin. And, in fact, as he comes over with the inkwell, he informs Uther that he's going to die.
And, in fact, it is an inkwell, as he hands him a piece of parchment, telling him to put his hand to it, "For Britain. And the boy." And he does get his hand to it … for one letter. Uther clearly croaked, so Merlin just forges it and yanks the signet ring off his hand. Igraine, not pleased with this turn of events, screams "Merlin!", as if we hadn't figured out who he is by now.
Fausse Morgan has started freaking out in another part of the castle and suddenly goes all Exorcist on us, twitching and shaking her head side to side and looking generally possessed, and then, when she's done, she gets a nosebleed and starts to look 28 instead of 16. And like Eva Green again. And pretty damned satisfied with herself.
Credits, finally. It's all artistic and pretty, but I really don't care, because it's a break. Lots of swords and horses and the dragon standard of the House of Pendragon. The entire thing lasts 1 minute and 32 seconds.
We cut back to a blond boy (who some younger viewers will recognise from Twilight), naked, with a blonde girl, equally naked, and quoting … the beginning of the Gospel of John while kissing her body? I've never tried that when picking up a chick, but I guess it could work. She objects that it isn't Latin study, and he retorts, "No, but it is definitely worship." Smooth, guy, really smooth.
Quickly, he gets interrupted by someone, who punches him with a neat right cross. He starts to defend himself by saying, "She said you two were over!" The girl immediately objects with, "Arthur! No, I did not!" He then starts fighting the brunet guy who's shown up and already punched him once, and the girl decides to help by … hitting the brunet guy on the back with a gigantic stick? It doesn't take a lot of reasoning to figure out that the brunet is her legitimate boyfriend, so why does he get smacked with a stick? Arthur just tried to claim that she was lying to get to shag him, so I think he needs the smacking.
Arthur and Brunet go off on horses, and Arthur begins a flood of self-justification. "I know, it's bad, I shouldn't have done it, I wasn't thinking." Brunet dryly comments, "You were thinking. You were thinking, 'If I got caught, I could talk my way out of it.'" Yeah, Brunet's got his number. Arthur continues to whinge, "It was a mistake! We got carried away! … Twice!" Dude deserves another serious punch to the chin.
Arthur tries to explain that it's like the girl's Cleopatra, he's Caesar, and Brunet is Mark Antony. Sure, but Cleopatra waited until Caesar died before she hooked up with Antony, so I'm not seeing it, and neither is Brunet. He then tries to plead, "We can't let a woman come between us, brother!" Well, sure, Artie, until you got between her and Brunet, it hadn't happened.
They walk into their house to see both their parents crying. Oh, this can't be good. And then we turn around and see Merlin, clutching some parchment. Merlin walks up with a serial-killer type grin, so I'm freaked out even more than Arthur is. Arthur's mother screams, "He's not welcome here!" Brunet draws his sword from his belt and said, "Then he'll be on his way." His father quietly comments, "Put the sword away, Kay." So, finally, Brunet gets a name. Arthur is majorly confused.
Merlin says, "The king is dead." Arthur doesn't see what this has to do with him. Merlin expands on this with, "He died with no legitimate son." Arthur is still confused. The rest of the family is catching on or already knows, but Arthur proves how boneheaded he is by saying, "What's that got to do with us?" Merlin, probably wondering whether he should just go home before he's saddled with this kid, explains, "Not them. You are Uther's son." Arthur still doesn't get it and says, "My parents are right here!" Right, the three brunets and the Aryan kid have a major genetic link. I can see the shock, but I'm still not impressed with Arthur.
His parents gently explain that he was fostered with them, but he's still not getting it, which really makes me less than confident in his intelligence.
Merlin adds, "The king is dead. Long live the king." and genuflects in front of Arthur, although if I were Merlin, I'd go find another convincingly blond kid with a few more brains and be the hell out of there. Arthur responds to this gesture of respect by trying to stab Merlin. I think it's finally hitting Arthur here, but … really, stabbing? Why not just tell him to leave?
Every single adopted kid's nightmare is taking place now, and it's not helped by his father confirming the story and saying, "I should have told you before." and asking Merlin to tell details of his birth. Merlin tries to brush this off as unimportant, but his father screams, "They're important to him!" Merlin doesn't bother explaining shit to him and explains that they'll be leaving tomorrow morning, chop chop.
We're back at Castle Pendragon, where Morgan is now wearing a black veil, a black necklace, and a gorgeous black dress, clearly in mourning for the father she killed, and bitching at a servant to find her stepmother, whom she hates anyway. The servant tries to explain that Igraine isn't up to much, and by the way, all the soldiers left on Merlin's authority. Morgan decides they'll just hire their own and they'll be better and stronger. Oh, and she says, "We." The servant gives her this, "What do you mean, 'we'?" look and she says, "You answer to me now."
She enters the throne chamber with a gasp of relief. For no apparent reason, there's an open fire in a stone hearth in the middle of the throne room. She glances up, and in the first thing we'll hear from her that resembles a prayer, whispers, "Thank you." and proceeds to the throne. Before she can even sit down, James Purefoy, who actually did play Mark Antony in Rome, screams for all the banners to be torn down, confiscate all the weapons, and by the way, he's starving, so someone get to the kitchens and get him a snack. So, I see that he's going to play this rôle exactly the same way as he played Mark Antony in Rome. That's good to know. Nice shorthand.
Morgan takes measure of all the armed men and probably of James Purefoy's pure sex appeal and states, "The doors are open to you, my lord." He asks why the hell he was invited to the castle of his enemy, which I must admit would confuse me too. Morgan states that she's heiress to Uther Pendragon and wishes to offer an alliance with her. This strikes him as hilarious, and she goes on to say, "Who better than you, King Lot?" As she goes through her arguments for alliance, Lot clearly points out, "I could split you from gut to neck." Which he could. Also, he points out that there are two potential queens to take to legitimise an alliance. But, in typical Purefoy fashion, he seems to be assessing the value of Morgan in other ways besides alliances. In fact, she keeps on stepping closer to him as she explains that Igraine is to be exiled and will be no problem, and Lot says she's very confident and asks, "What makes you so special?" Given that they're about four inches away from each other, I'm pretty sure that Lot's figured that out.
Now, we're back to Arthur's (foster) parents' home. Arthur is getting a snack and points what appears to be a butter knife at Merlin and says, "I could kill you." I'm not really sure how you can do that with a butter knife. And then he asks, "Who are you?" I think we covered the whole "his name is Merlin" issue earlier, but Arthur, as we've seen, is a bit slow on the uptake. Merlin explains he was at Uther's deathbed and has his last will and testament, "signed by his own hand". I guess Merlin's just going to keep the forgery thing on the down low.
Merlin explains that Uther was a barbarian, whereas by living with Ector (who now gets a name), he "became so much more". I'd get to know the kid better before assessing his competence, personally. Merlin compliments Ector by saying, "They raised you well." He then picks up Arthur's sword hand and feels it for calluses, and finally begins to pick up on the whole this-kid-ain't-what-you're-looking-for bit himself by saying, "Perhaps too well."
Daytime. Kay complains that Arthur was always spoilt. He says, "Our parents treated you as special, because you are." Well, yeah, that fostering a child of royal blood thing might make you a bit self-conscious. Arthur jokes, "At last, you finally admit it." Kay reassures him that he's still his brother. Arthur wants to stay home, but Kay explains, "What you're being offered is better! Going to battle! Leading the land!" I have a hard time figuring out how being the object of lots of people with sharp objects wanting to kill you for power is better, but hey. I'm not the writer of Le morte d'Arthur. Kay says, "It's what every man dreams of!" Arthur echoes my thoughts by saying, "No, it's what you dream of. The rest of us dream about girls."
Arthur picks up his father's signet ring, which still has Morgan's blood on it. That of course is not symbolic at all. And he tries the ring on his finger. Which is still not symbolic. He then picks up a handy leather thong and puts the ring on it and ties it around his neck. I'm not sure what's up with the whole Frodo thing here, but oh, all right, I know. He's willing to experiment with the Pendragon life, in the form of the signet ring, as long as he has the option to return home by returning the signet ring. Done. I'm still going to think of him as Frodo.
He wanders into the next room, dressed in armour, and watches Merlin eat. He says, "I'm not saying I believe you, but I want to see it for myself." Dude, your parents told you he was telling the truth. How much more evidence do you need? I highly doubt that DNA testing is available. He goes through the usual round of weepy goodbyes, which involves getting punched by his father, who reminds him to use his head. Given his apparent IQ, it might be better just to keep on punching him. He then asks his parents, who being all weepy about his leaving, if they'd mind if he borrowed their other son. For some reason, this pleases them greatly. Don't ask me. I just watch it. Ector says, mysteriously, "Together, you're stronger." Sure. At least Kay will probably be able to keep his own girlfriends, given how many wet panties are going to get thrown at Arthur once he ascends the throne. I'd like to give Ector's wife a name, but no one seems to have been able to do that.
Castle Pendragon. Morgan and Lot are cementing their alliance very vigorously, to the point that you can hear it outside. They're trying a position I've not seen in the Kama Sutra, but which I'd definitely seen on HBO. I have to wonder, given Morgan's 15 years in a nunnery, if she's losing her virginity now. If so, she's doing it in a very aggressive position, while wearing something made of green gauze that does not impede anything whatsoever that's going on — in fact, it looks to be a scarf. They're engaging in their version of dirty talk, in which he proclaims between gasps, "You'll be Queen of the Realm!" Interestingly, she asks, "What will you give me?" "Undying loyalty!" is his answer, and, well, she seems pleased with that, so I don't think anyone is even pretending that this is anything other than political, which is just as well because I'd have a hard time believing that Morgan had any urges that weren't about power at this point. Le petit mort is immediately preceded by Morgan screaming about his blood, and she leaves scratches all over his chest. I can see that on his back, but across his pecs? That's gotta sting.
During their version of pillow talk, after she'd gotten up and changed into a black gauze dress, he comments, "Your father dies, and you banish your own mother." She corrects, "Stepmother. I'm the only one of his blood. His castle and realm shall be mine." Man, she is going to be pissed soon. And also, once you've forced her to pack up and leave, I'm pretty sure you can stop playing the Abandoned Child role to the hilt.
Lot wraps his arms around Morgan and comments, "So you summon me, Uther's worst enemy, you propose an alliance, and then seduce me, even as your father's body cools." Yep. He's got Morgan's number. And it's kind of creepy that she's wearing black, implying mourning, when she's done everything Lot has described, plus a few other things, such as killing her father. He then asks, "Is there no end to your ambition?" while he tweaks her nipple. She asks, "Are you complaining?" His short answer is, "No. I'm just curious." Her reasoning is, by her own mind, "A queen still requires a king. Together, we unite the realm." Based on his moans of yes, I think he's ready to reaffirm the alliance, but she gets distracted by Igraine's complaints in the courtyard and leaves him hanging. Or standing, depending on your point of view.
Morgan wanders into the courtyard wearing royal blue, red and purple. So that show of mourning was very temporary. In fact, Igraine is wearing brown while settling herself on the back of a cart, so I'm not sure if she just lacks black clothing or it's actually not a big deal for anyone to go into mourning here. Morgan enquires of her stepmother's future location, presumably for future poisonings. Igraine answers, and then asks "Is there anything else, or did you just come to gloat?" Apparently, Igraine knows nothing about her stepdaughter, because I could answer that easily. After a bit of verbal sparring, Morgan smacks one of the horses to get it moving now, clearly done with her stepmother, and sarcastically yells, "Safe travels." She mutters to herself, "The land is treacherous." Clearly, she needs a day planner to keep all of her plans in line.
Morgan and Lot get to enjoy their cleverness and power for approximately three seconds until a messenger rides in and says, "Merlin says you are to meet Uther's son at the ancient castle of Camelot." Morgan says, "Uther's son?" Lot, clearly wondering if he's been duped, says, "He has a son?" Morgan glares and says, "I have the only true claim to the throne. This is Merlin's game, so we'll play with him." And, honestly, it's not like she'd ever heard of this kid before, so I can't blame her for assuming it's just some random thing Merlin thought up to piss her off.
Arthur, Kay and Merlin are camping on what looks to be the windiest and most uncomfortable hill available in Britain. Actually, Arthur and Kay are sharing a fire and some bread. Merlin is sitting a distance away, staring off into space. Arthur wraps his cape around himself and goes to Merlin to say, "If you were responsible for my birth, I deserve to know more about who you are." Merlin wisely says, "Stop asking about me and think about who you are." Then, it's "Are you really a sorcerer?" Merlin replies with, "I can do things others believe impossible. Is that sorcery?" Arthur demands that it be proven to him, and then starts throwing a tantrum about travelling across Britain and being told nothing. Merlin explains that a vision encouraged him to come after Arthur, which is as good a reason as any to keep this particular knuckle-headed kid around, and that the vision was of "the darkness of man". He then informs the kid that the past doesn't matter. Merlin's giving nothing away free, folks.
While riding across all of Britain (apparently), Merlin, Kay and Arthur come to a huge trench in which what appears to be an entire village has come down with a serious case of dead. It seems to be related to the arrows or sword wounds on each of them. Merlin is surprised and says, "It's already begun. Without a king, there will be carnage across the land." Kay dismounts and stares into the pit, and Merlin asks him what the hell he's doing. Kay, still not getting the point, explains that every one of these people deserves a Christian burial. Apparently they're supposed to spend a week or so as a two-man mortuary crew, because there look to be about a hundred bodies and you know Merlin ain't gonna play any of that. He'd sit there and glower if he let them do it, which he won't: "They're long past saving. We stay here, we're a target for whoever did this. Stop worrying about the dead, the living need us more." Arthur quietly throws his support behind Merlin, and so far, this is the first sensible thing I've seen out of him. Kay is horrified, but does as he's told.
Nighttime. Merlin and two companions gallop into a village that doesn't feature everyone dead in it. At this point, at least. But everyone in the village quickly goes to hide in their homes. Merlin comments, "Fear spreads like plague." The village headman tells them to stay on their horses and go on, since they aren't dealing with three mounted men, two of whom are armed. And really, I sympathise with this position, because the attention that horses would attract in this sort of impoverished village cannot be good. Merlin dismounts anyway. And he knows the village headman personally. Suddenly, they have hospitality. I hope there won't be a ditch of dead people resulting from this, and Merlin points that possibility out as soon as they end up in something that appears to be a wigwam.
Arthur asks how Merlin knew that he'd go with him. He said, "It might have taken a night, it might have taken a year, but you're too curious not to come." Arthur asks, "You know me that well?" Merlin casually says, "I've watched you since you were a child." OK, Merlin, that's outright creepy. I fully expect him to be on ancient Britain's equivalent of To Catch a Predator any day now. Arthur demands again, "Tell me about my birth." And I'm actually starting to get sympathetic to the kid. All adopted kids go through this, and finding out unexpectedly when you're something like 16 or 17 that you're of royal blood, that your parents are not your parents, and by the way, Joseph Fiennes is kidnapping you now, I'd like to know how that came to pass myself.
So Merlin tells him. "Your father, Uther, desired a woman named Igraine, who belonged to a rival warlord, the Duke of Cornwall." Merlin then explains that Uther, who apparently was desperate to hook up with Igraine, had Merlin change Uther's appearance to resemble Igraine's husband. Arthur, understandably sceptical, asks, "Do you really expect me to believe that I am the product of sorcery and rape?" Merlin ignores this question and goes on to say that he was conceived that night. Arthur says that he wants the truth, not a story to make him believe in magic. Merlin says sensibly that he doesn't care what Arthur believes, and besides, he no longer uses his powers.
Arthur then asks, "So, Uther gave me to you?" Merlin casually says, "You were my payment." So, not only was Igraine raped, she also had her infant stolen from her. Nice of Uther to consent to this and, presumably, to not tell Igraine. Arthur is horrified, and the flashback we see, shot in grainy footage, is understandably upsetting, with a woman screaming as her infant is ripped from her arms. Arthur wants to know why on earth that Merlin wanted a child as payment. This is the cue for Merlin to go off on a rant we will hear many, many times. "This realm needs a leader better than any who has come before. With Uther's bloodline and Ector's guidance, that can be you." Awfully civic-minded of him. He goes on with, "We are going to build a land full of hope and honour, where fear is extinguished, to which people will flock, from far and wide, seeking out our beacon of light." Well, no kidding. If I could go on the subway and have an honour system in which no one tries to lift my wallet, I might consider a change of scenery myself. Merlin concludes, "Tomorrow, we ride to an ancient seat of power, where you can be the greatest of men in the greatest of lands."
Arthur is watering a wall during a brief break in the riding when he hears a sword leave its scabbard. Proving to me for the second time that he may have common sense, his response is to unsheath his own sword. And then he disproves my common sense thesis by turning his back to the wall, which is promptly leapt by an agile guy, also sword equipped. Kay yells that he's coming, but it doesn't matter, because whatever else Arthur is, he knows some basic swordsmanship, and guts his opponent like a fish. Arthur and Kay are just relieved, whereas Merlin checks the body for insignia. He stands up and announces, "These are Lot's colours. You're not even installed and you're starting a war." His advice is to get out of there, which I agree with. I mean, it's not like CSI: Ancient Britain is going to show up and determine that he was the killer, but any guy nearby with a sword is going to get killed out of sheer proximity to the corpse, so yeah, let's book. Which they do.
Merlin announces after a lot of gorgeous landscape shots that they've arrived by saying, "Camelot." I can't help but reply mentally, "It's only a model." Camelot has ocean frontage, although an easily accessible meadow to cross to reach the entrance. I wonder if moats weren't a Thing yet, or they simply didn't have permission from the real property owners to put one in. In this age of CGI, I think they just forgot or had no one who was a strategist to think of these things.
Merlin opens the door and leads Arthur and Kay in, and Arthur's first view of his iconic castle is to say, "It's a ruin." And he's right. This place looks like Miss Havisham's wedding was a few centuries ago. Merlin, like a good estate agent, starts listing off the benefits of being there — good position, strong fortifications, no one will expect them to be there. I'm waiting for him to add that it's near to local shops and transport, and has lots of storage space. Arthur, understandably, is pissed off that in the space of four days, he's gone from living on a peaceful farm to having gotten involved in a war by killing someone who was trying to kill him, has seen a pit of bodies straight out of Mỹ Lai, finding out that his parents weren't really his parents and he was the product of rape, and now he's supposed to live in a building that seems to consist mostly of leftover stones and vines everywhere.
Arthur has a more concrete objection: "This is not what I thought you meant! I thought there'd be armies and weapons and servants. There has to be more than this. I must have money." Merlin, amused, says, "No." Arthur then asks, "Well, why didn't you say that before we left?" Merlin wisely replies, "You wouldn't've come." Arthur objects, "You didn't say it would be like this." Merlin, who is beginning to become a bit of a smart aleck, points out, "You didn't ask."
And that seems to be Merlin's cue to go off again, "We're in a fight for our lives, for the soul of this country." I'd get pretty annoyed with the whole Great Destiny bit — and, in fact, I'd turn around and go home — if I were Arthur, but he's just glowering. Merlin informs him that there are people waiting. Presumably, given the look of the place, they're not contractors, so at least it's not that bad.
Arthur then is taken to meet the people who have sworn fealty to him. Thankfully, this gives us a chance to match faces to names. There's a black dude wearing red who is identified as Ulfius, so we know that Camelot is an equal opportunity employer. Then, we see Leontes. Next, we meet Brastias, who's wearing some leather armour that looks like it was designed by Christian Siriano. Seriously, it's pretty fierce. Next up is Pellinor. There are a bunch of other guys standing behind these four, but apparently they don't have SAG cards. Interestingly, given how much this version is taking from Le morte d'Arthur, none of these guys are mentioned in it. I suppose it's easier to deal with things if you don't have to match canon.
Arthur looks kind of overwhelmed, although, given that he was just bitching about the lack of an army, I don't quite get his objection. Maybe it's just hitting home for him. Leontes comes forward and says, "Your father was a great leader. Our loyalty passes to you. We stand at your bidding, ready to defend the Pendragon line." I have to wonder if any of these guys know that until a couple of days ago, Arthur had no clue he was of the Pendragon line. Merlin gives the kid a "Say something, anything" look, and he either reads it correctly or has enough instinct to know that he should. At any rate, his IQ seems to have increased.
He begins, "I never knew Uther. But if he inspired such loyalty, I am humbled to stand before you, and I'll do whatever I can to justify your allegiance." For two sentences, not bad. Leontes replies, "We are at your service." This seems to be the cue for everyone to kneel, and Merlin informs Arthur, "These are your allies." Yeah, I think that the kid may have picked that up from the whole, "We stand at your bidding" thing, but given his historic bone-headedness, I can't blame Merlin for wanting to reinforce this thought.
Merlin starts mentioning his enemies, who, by the way, have a lot more power and men. He starts with our good friend King Lot of Lothian and Orkney, the new Duke of Cornwall and King Nentes of Scotland and Caradoc. Then he drops the bomb, "I've summoned them all here, to recognise you as the true heir of Uther Pendragon." Gee, thanks. Can we repair the fortifications first?
Arthur is brought to his bedroom, which has exactly one piece of furniture in it — a bed. Merlin starts making the bed while Arthur tries to quiz Merlin on his father. Merlin is as helpful as he ever is. Merlin goes to open the shutters, which break off in his hand. Merlin informs him that since everyone's going to challenge him, he needs to be certain. Arthur somewhat intelligently asks, "What if I'm not?" Sure, Ector educated him, but the chances that he's been trained in diplomacy and military tactics probably are fairly low. Merlin unhelpfully answers, "You have to be." Arthur retorts with, "What if I'm wrong?" Yet another unhelpful answer out of Merlin, "You can't be." Well, thanks. That really makes it a lot more comprehensible. And on his way out the door, Merlin drops another bomb. "Oh, and by the way, Uther had a daughter. Your half-sister." Arthur looks completely puzzled.
And here we are with the half-sister, who is wearing a crown, a huge amount of gold jewellery, a fur cape, oh, and sitting next to King Lot, looking at Camelot. I'm going to guess that this isn't meant to go well for Arthur. King Lot is completely unimpressed with the place, but little does he know that Arthur completely agrees on that point. Morgan's feeling bloodthirsty, which pleases Lot immensely. Inside the castle, Arthur's wearing that same fur cape and leather armour setup that we last saw on Uther, but this boy wouldn't last 5 minutes in the Meatpacking District. Morgan and Lot come in at the head of a long procession of armed men. Kay is amused and says, "That's your sister." I can't tell if it's lust or simple amazement. Morgan proceeds forward while Lot takes a seat to keep an eye on the proceedings.
Morgan starts circling and examining every inch of Arthur, and hilariously leans in to loudly sniff him, which causes Arthur to recoil. She looks at him again and says, "No." Merlin interjects with, "He's Uther's son. I have proof." Morgan objects with, "My father had no legitimate son." Interesting tactic, but one that makes a lot of sense — if everyone's going to insist that this is Uther's son anyway, you might as well make an argument that he has no legal right to inherit. Although, in reality, what Morgan's inherited is a sizeable keep with servants, weapons, and money; whereas Arthur has a Roman ruin and about 20 guys who took his side.
Arthur tries to calm things down by saying, "This is as strange to me as it is to you, but when Merlin brought …" She cuts him off with, "Oh, it talks, too!" If she's going to play the rôle of bitchy usurper, she's going to play it to the hilt. She goes on to say, "It's pretty, it talks, but it is not an heir." Little does she know how much Arthur agrees with her, and God help us, Twilight fans definitely agree on the first point. Arthur proposes that they work together to honour "our father", and Morgan astutely points out, "You didn't know my father." True, which is probably why he's a relatively well-balanced young man, and Morgan's a total head case.
Morgan goes straight to Merlin, which is a correct assessment, and asks, "Why are you doing this to me?" Merlin tries to reply with a, "This isn't personal." Sure, stripping her of her rank and titles isn't personal at all. And God help us all, Merlin goes on to say, "This is for the country." Morgan retaliates with, "This is my birthright!" That's when Merlin drops yet another bomb, "Ask his mother, Queen Igraine."
Morgan is clearly taken completely aback by all of this, and screams, "This is some other man's bastard! I would have known!" I don't know how she's meant to know who her father did and didn't choose to shag, and frankly, with her daddy issues, I don't want to know. Igraine simply replies, with a bit of venom in her voice, "And yet, you didn't." Points to Igraine here.
Igraine now confirms that Arthur is her son, although how she can determine this based on the newborn that was taken from her is totally beyond my knowledge. Merlin grins in yet another creepy Fiennes look. Lot has clearly had enough of this, and gets up to go with an "Ah, fuck this." You and me both, buddy. Morgan snarks at Merlin, "You think this is the end of it." I strongly doubt anyone thinks that at this point, but we've established that Morgan is on her own plane of reality.
Somewhere in Camelot, Arthur has the Getting-To-Know-You talk that adoptive children have with their birth parents, but they don't usually involve sorcery and rape. Arthur is justifiably curious about how his mother, who was raped by his father, then ended up marrying him. Igraine explains that Uther's forces killed the Duke of Cornwall, so she was spoils of war, and is just grateful that she was allowed to live. Well, that's … romantic. They establish that this whole fosterage thing was not in any way her idea. I'm wondering how this will work out with Merlin and Arthur, now that he gets an idea of how cold Merlin is.
Kay meets him somewhere in the jungle-cum-fort and enquires what it was like. Arthur tersely answers that it was fine, because, honestly, how do you summarise that sort of thing anyway? Arthur changes the topic and decides to explore some of the building.
Kay and Arthur find an inscription in Latin, which they translate to English: "Magnus Quintus built this fort in the sixth year of the reign of Valentinian the Second. He who has begun has the work half-done." This dates the fort back to 377 A.D., which is accurate for the Roman occupation of Britain, which is nice of the show to consider. That also places it about 100 years before the known reign of Arthur. Apparently, Magnus Quintus wasn't much on maintenace. They joke about what Magnus Quintus would think if he "saw the state of the place now". Kay, taking the philosophical view, considers "Imagine what it must have been like back then." A voice emerges from the shadows to say, "Or what it can be again." Understandably, both young men draw their swords.
Leontes explains that he's been following them at Merlin's orders, "to keep you safe". Arthur, who is improving rapidly on the uptake, asks, "To keep me safe or make sure that I don't leave?" Leontes admits, "A bit of both." Arthur asks what happens if he does decide to flee, and Leontes looks around and comments on how much potential the place has. Great, now Leontes is an estate agent as well.
Arthur is cynical about the motivations of the knights who followed Merlin. Leontes explains that Merlin … well, in summary, he basically gave them a fairy tale of what could be and they followed him anyway. Now I'm thinking that the casual stupidity that Arthur displayed earlier in the episode is merely being transferred to others. Leontes concludes, "Merlin's told us what can be built here, with you, and your breed of king."
Arthur asks, maybe rhetorically, maybe directly, "So, how do I become that overnight?" Leontes advises him, "Trust your instincts." Arthur reasonably says, given his four-day adjustment period, total inexperience of warfare and tactics, lack of knowledge of ruling, & c., having only become king by virtue of a bloodline that he'd never seen, "My instincts are not that of a king." Leontes asks, this time definitely rhetorically, "What if they are, and you just don't know it yet?"
The next scene has Arthur going to bed and dreaming about sex with a beautiful naked girl. Merlin then cock-blocks him by waking him up and asking who she is. First, I have no idea how that's relevant and secondly, sorcerer boy, it's not as if Arthur, who's already proven to be horny to the point of having impaired judgement, hasn't been very good about not getting distracted. Though it undoubtedly helps that there are no girls in Camelot. He and Merlin start arguing, but are interrupted by Kay, who calls Arthur out of the room with a simple, "You'd better see this."
Somehow, it's full daytime even though it was night in the last scene, and we see King Lot approaching Camelot at some speed … along with a lot of other groups that look like they'd be happy to gut Arthur. I count three distinct battle banners. Great idea inviting everyone and giving away his location, Merlin. Arthur comments, "God help me." Yeah, I'd agree with that basic assessment.
We cut to Arthur being dressed in Uther's clothing again and getting a last-minute briefing from Merlin: "Show no fear, speak boldly, answer them as their king." Arthur nervously asks, "There's nothing to worry about, right? I mean, you've had visions that I'm going to be king. It's fate, it's guaranteed." Merlin answers, somewhat sadistically, "No." As if the kid weren't scared enough. Merlin continues with some claptrap about fate and destiny, but it's not at all reassuring. Then again, we've already gathered that Merlin is not about reassuring.
The ring symbolism shows up again, with Arthur yanking the ring off the neck-string he'd put it on, although at this point, I'd get the hell out of Dodge City.
Arthur enters the courtyard, and promptly gets mocked and laughed at by all of the soldiers there, who all look like they've seen combat, as opposed to Arthur, who looks like he played rôles in Twilight movies. And, unsurprisingly, Morgan is in the front of the crowd. King Lot, opposite Morgan, stares at Arthur as if he's some interesting specimen that he hasn't quite figured out. After Arthur reaches a point in front of everyone, King Lot simply raises a hand and his forces fall completely silent, which I'm pretty sure is a metaphor for the amount of power this dude has, as opposed to Arthur, who has basically … none.
Morgan advises Arthur to leave now, and salvage his life. This appears to be a correct assessment on Morgan's part, but I'm pretty sure that at this point, Arthur is more frightened of Merlin than his sister. And, if he's catching on to things, this advice is not exactly unbiased. Morgan also points out, sotto voce, that Arthur is vastly outnumbered, that Merlin is using Arthur for his own purposes, and that he should go home. I agree on all of these points.
Lot starts another round of snickering by saying, "Speak, you beardless bastard!" Which, again, is accurate on both counts. In fact, right now, Arthur looks like he hasn't gotten far enough into puberty to need to shave yet.
Arthur, however, responds. "You stand in my hall, in my realm, and you will show me respect. I am the true and legitimate heir to Uther's throne and you will pledge your allegiance to me or suffer for it. Understand that, you bearded fool?"
Not half-bad. Although, technically, his realm also includes Morgan's realm and Lot's realm, but maybe they don't know yet, and also, the suffering is going to be minimal, given that there's about twenty guys loyal to Arthur and it seems like there are 100 of Lot's guys in the hall, and you know that isn't all of them. I also think that particular epithet is going to piss off Lot, but Arthur, in all of his naïveté, hasn't figured out yet. Morgan simply replies, "Sorry," although we all know full well that she is not sorry in the slightest. Lot responds with, "Bring him in."
The body of the guy that attacked Arthur earlier in the episode and came down with a serious case of dead for his troubles is dragged into the room and left in front of Arthur. Lot informs him that the man he killed was Lot's eldest son and that Arthur killed him, citing the reports of "two outriders that were in the woods that day". Although that doesn't explain why the outriders didn't then pursue Arthur, Kay and Merlin. I'm sure that Lot took that particular subordinate failure of judgement quietly.
Arthur says, in an almost inaudible voice, that Lot's son attacked him. Which we know to be true. Not that Lot seems the kind to object to someone engaging in some basic free-lance killing. And two of Lot's men (I knew they weren't all in the hall) come dragging in a woman with a sack over her head. Given that the women we've seen in this episode — Morgan, Igraine, Kay's girlfriend and Arthur's foster mother, I have a theory on who this is, since 2 out of 4 are standing in the hall without any apparent problem.
My theory is proven when they force her to her knees and yank the sack off of her head. It's Kay and Arthur's mother. Lot unsheaths his sword, which causes Arthur and Kay to freak out, and that freaking out is justified when Lot immediately kills her. She screams the entire time, which can't be doing anything but freaking everyone out more.
While Arthur and Kay crouch over the body, apparently believing that willpower can result in the healing of mortal wounds, Merlin informs Lot that they're going to keep going on, thanks. I'd ask Arthur that, if I were you.
Lot replies, "I'm no monster." I think everyone who's met him would disagree with that statement, but if he's in the habit of stabbing people to make a point, I think few people would tell him. Continuing on the I'm-so-generous theme, Lot offers, "Five dawns, I'll give for him to grieve, and then be gone." I can't figure out if this is meant to be an attempt to sound mediæval or that Lot is demanding a check-out time, like a hotel that gets cranky if you stay after 11 o'clock. Lot adds, "If you don't leave, there will be more slaughter." Actually, I'm pretty sure that Lot is all about slaughter anyway, so I think he's just referring to Arthur-specific slaughter, though I really doubt that Arthur wouldn't be hunted down and killed to avoid any future claims to the throne. I mean, Morgan has formidable powers of persuasion when it comes to Lot.
Lot turns to leave, and Arthur starts screaming to stop him. I don't see anyone coming forward to do so, probably because they can do math and don't really want to face a 5:1 ratio at a minimum. Arthur then screams, "Merlin, what have you done to me?" Well, would you like the list in chronological or alphabetical order?
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